I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
