My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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