When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
