We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
