we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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