Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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