so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
