can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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