I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
