I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
