A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize