Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I AM VODKA MAN
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
