cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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