tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
