I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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