Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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