What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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