I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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