My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
