the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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