its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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