Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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