Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
