So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
