Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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