At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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