So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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