wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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