I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
