When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
