i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
