Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
