I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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