glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
