Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
