I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
