she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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