I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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