I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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