Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize