Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
