Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"