pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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