ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice