Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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