a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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