I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Panties = found
Randomize
