you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
