Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
