and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
