you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
