i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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