I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize