Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
