I got chris browned last night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
