We won't sleep together?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
