Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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