i can't believe i had my finger in that
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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