I skipped work to stalk him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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