Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
