Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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