i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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