i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
