Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad just said "fuck circus"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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