Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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