As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
