so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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