he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
