i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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