Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
someone owes me an orgasm
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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