At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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