I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
