If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
