I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
