Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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