I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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