Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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