Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
