i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
