yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
