I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
