Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
