OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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